Breaking the Silence

We have been silent for a long time and many of you ice turtles no doubt thawed your consciences long enough to wonder what became of the Maharajah’s presence in this island’s Blogosphere. Indeed, my minions, who have been keeping somewhat of a bored watch, report the same.

We have news for you slaves. The blogosphere does not as a matter of fact constitute entire portions of our lives. And whilst it is nice now and then to dabble our feet in the warmed carp pond in the Eastern Gardens of our Winter Palace, we do not do so at every opportunity we get. Simply because we have better things to do with our time, like carry out our complete practical assessment of the intricacies of the Kama Sutra with our many wives for instance.

It is nice to see you petty creatures fight though, and that is what has brought us back for a quick look to see what is going on. We were sorely disappointed, expecting some sound intellectual exchanges in par almost with the great scholarly debates of Rajasthan, to find an environment akin to a food fight in a teaching centre for children under five years of age. Once again, we have grossly overestimated the intellectual capacity of this particular corner of the blogosphere.

Aside from all that, nothing as usual remains to be commented upon. We express our dissatisfaction at the way the so called leader of this tiny nook has handled the situation. But although he was slightly overzealous he was not as bad as some who stooped to levels far below the initial instigators of the events, proving to quite obvious extents that the word ‘hypocrisy’ bore no meaning whatsoever in the frames of their tiny minds in its conceptual form. Such spurts of intellectual disease to be found here, here and here. This blogger who appears to have been the real instigator of the whole matter, predictably, has quietly sneaked away under the cover of the ensuing chaos, which is common behavior also seen at bar fights. But be careful, you may want to take a gas mask along before you visit these wastelands, our medics adivse us that they are potentially cancerous to the brain.

We have experienced certain other individuals taking levels of ‘traffic desperation’ to new heights. And by certain individuals we mean the whole of the rest of the blogosphere. An unconvincing attempt to sound cynical and world-aware here. And along with attempts to sound like virtuous saints, illusional drug addicts also jumped into the fray. We have no words for you, except to guffaw uncontrollably at the stupidity of it all.

We have noticed another fight taking place in the background amongst a group of women. But we tend to not bother too much about what goes on amongst the more insignificant classes of society. We have however, decided to extend our kind permission to these frustrated ladies to pay a visit to our harem. We will cure you of your desires. Or arrange someone else to do it, depending on how captivating you look in real life.

As for the rest of you, give us something to think about for a change. Even the tiger attack fearing, drug abusing, worm eating brahmins of Eastern Bengal have something interesting to say. . . .


The Maharajah Has Spoken

The Uprising of the Cowards

The death of a journalist has rattled the population in this little island in the past week or so. We have watched on with much bemused amusement mixed in with a lot of pity and scorn. You are like tortoises in the splendor of the sun in Gujarat; you only start wondering who dimmed the lights when the full moon has come out.

The extreme stupidity is revealed in the number of reactive blog posts that seem to be appearing all over the place. The Maharajah is disgusted beyond words. Where were all the dissenters and nay-sayers when all this was building up? Having had substantial experience quelling uprisings in which ordinary farmers would take up their pick axes against the Kingdom, we know a thing or two about broad and cumulative social trends.

First, no farmer would actually take up their pick axe for any other reason other than to dig for sweet potatoes. But farmers are an oppressed group of people and ill feeling is common. Second, most ordinary farmers are scared shitless of the Maharajah’s guards, therefore they will keep shut and let only the strongest of them do most of the talking.

All we have to do is to wait for the appropriate moment and chop off the heads of these strongest farmers.

And the most opportune moments come usually when the Maharajah commands strong public favor, when only the strongest of the dissenting farmers with pick axes stay resolutely against us and the weaker cowards are wavering between kissing our feet like the rest of the mangy dogs and quietly creeping back into their fields. And that is when we strike! Off with the heads of the strongest of their voices.

We cut off the head, the body struggles, and dies. The body of the movement that these few indivuduals headed, will also slowly struggle and die. There, a lesson in power for you witless morons.

This corner of the blogosphere is characteristic of the body struggling. Where were the voices when their actual power was needed? The Maharajah takes an unbiased position when it comes to the political environment of this insignificant speck of land, but believes that the stupidity of the masses will prevail over individual intelligence. Good luck to you my sweet potato digging farmers, this year’s harvest will be as useless as the last.

The blatant hypocrisy of the blogosphere though, continues undaunted. We have decided to take it upon ourselves to do what service we can to this ailing society. First, The Maharajahs gratitude goes out to Indi on his words of wisdom about English classes on the blogosphere; the Maharajah will give this blogger some tips on improving his English in keeping with the vision for Kottu.

Where we should start we believe, is the spelling. He happens to have tryied to overcome many barials. He is also the frist to be prasent at school in the momning. Apparently becose he was the lucky recipient of a mothor bike. We will also continue or support this blogger by providing grammar classes in the near future.

However it has distressed us a great deal that certain bloggers are perfecting the art of misleading these innocents. We are stunned at the presence of such evil.

This warning goes out to Lahiru Sandaruwan on the devious advice he received from a certain blogger on his comments stream. Based on this bewildering post the Maharajah feels safe to assume that this blogger is not in any position to be giving career advice to you. Please refrain from taking this blogger seriously for she is terrible at spelling and also needs to try and understand that whining during hard times in the safety of the blogsphere is a cowardly act which is not beneficial to the organization or to the blogger in question. I think you Lahiru, are in a better position to advice this poor soul on the greater matters of Life rather than the other way around.

We are also increasingly concerned about the signs of continuous mental disintegration this blogger seems to be showing. And we would like to say that, you know, it is not socially degrading to ask for help. And we recommend the use of this drug which has been undeniably proved by top end Indian researchers to be able to give the abnormally negative individual a new lease on life.

Moving on, we have come across a classic post that displays the Sri Lankan spirit of bonhomie to the atom. We have casually observed that uncaring and selfish spending seems to be the norm among the wealthy class of this country and have confirmed the fact through this post. Long live the oppressors of the people!

Sexual innuendo, fortunately or otherwise, seems to have dropped off the radar of late, but sad attempts at directing attention to one’s blog seem to continue. As seen in this pathetic excuse for a comment here. And, speaking on reincarnation, one blogger had a sudden hailstorm of sheer intellectual brilliance when he said (speaking of the next life) that ’by then you will not be able to reverse anything you have done in your past’. A startling revelation on the topic of reincarnation which would have had the Dalai Lama in a cold sweat of jealousy and astrophysicists in a terrible scientific connundrum, if they were to ever discover it.

This post has been rather long winding due to the fact that we found it harder than usual to compress the sheer brainlessness of the blogosphere into just a few hundred words. We feel that our presence has induced even more stupidity, due to people constantly going out of their way to please us and to try and gain our favor.

A message to you all, the Maharajah only favors the Bad.

And he has spoken.

The Comeback They Wanted

We are not usually disposed to spend time in idle chit chat. But it is not as if we are not partial to the occasional indulgence in sporting recreation. Back in the days of the kingdom, when our elephants were still alive, taming them and going to war and crushing innocent people and other creatures like women and alcoholics under the terrible weight of the elephant foot was one of our favorite pastimes.

Ah! The nostalgic memories!

But today we talk about a different kind of comeback. we talk about the sport that seems to have infested the part of the flat surface of the world in which we are living in, yes we are talking about cricket and no matter what our opinion about the exiled generations of the most inferior and deranged Indian ever to walk the shores of India (Vijaya) may be, we are forced to admit that we do admire the freak genetic accident that caused the emergence of the spark of brilliance that transpired into the Sri Lankan cricket team.

More specifically, the brilliance that is Ajantha Mendis. All haters take notice! The Mendis Machine of Morbid Bowling Retribution is back.

A mental contradiction is formed though, in that Mendis made a comeback against former inhabitants of our homeland. The Bengalis. The brave tigers of Bengali though, are as yet cubs in the world of cricket. They are as yet to fully extend their claws and make use of their stalking muscles. And one fine day when they do, the fake lions of Serendib will truly find out who the pussy, cats of the region are.

but until then, Mendis is fair entertainment. The Maharajah is not above appreciating talent.
As for the blogosphere, there has been scant activity of interest to the Maharajah.

Sexual innuendo has been overflowing of late. Like in this blog that focuses on advertising as an excuse to mostly display luscious images of semi-naked women. The Maharajah's Gratitude!

This blogger gives an almost honest account of the pretentious propensity found in most blog posts. We think he is a Minion with Attitude. although his desperate nature is highlighted in false statistics published that give a skewed view of the sexual composition of the blogosphere telling us exactly what his subconscious mind is constantly focused on.

One person took our advice and jizzed, in the convenience of his trousers, although It is not clear if an 80 rupee porn magazine was involved. And another blogger relates a fond experience poking a banana while deciding whether to buy it.

There has been nothing enough to spark an intellectual train of thought as of late. We hope that this will soon change.

The minions have been talking about the New Year a lot and The Maharajah feels obligated to wish them all prosperity and luck for the future! May the blessings of the coveted one embrace you!

The Maharajah has spoken.