The Uprising of the Cowards

The death of a journalist has rattled the population in this little island in the past week or so. We have watched on with much bemused amusement mixed in with a lot of pity and scorn. You are like tortoises in the splendor of the sun in Gujarat; you only start wondering who dimmed the lights when the full moon has come out.

The extreme stupidity is revealed in the number of reactive blog posts that seem to be appearing all over the place. The Maharajah is disgusted beyond words. Where were all the dissenters and nay-sayers when all this was building up? Having had substantial experience quelling uprisings in which ordinary farmers would take up their pick axes against the Kingdom, we know a thing or two about broad and cumulative social trends.

First, no farmer would actually take up their pick axe for any other reason other than to dig for sweet potatoes. But farmers are an oppressed group of people and ill feeling is common. Second, most ordinary farmers are scared shitless of the Maharajah’s guards, therefore they will keep shut and let only the strongest of them do most of the talking.

All we have to do is to wait for the appropriate moment and chop off the heads of these strongest farmers.

And the most opportune moments come usually when the Maharajah commands strong public favor, when only the strongest of the dissenting farmers with pick axes stay resolutely against us and the weaker cowards are wavering between kissing our feet like the rest of the mangy dogs and quietly creeping back into their fields. And that is when we strike! Off with the heads of the strongest of their voices.

We cut off the head, the body struggles, and dies. The body of the movement that these few indivuduals headed, will also slowly struggle and die. There, a lesson in power for you witless morons.

This corner of the blogosphere is characteristic of the body struggling. Where were the voices when their actual power was needed? The Maharajah takes an unbiased position when it comes to the political environment of this insignificant speck of land, but believes that the stupidity of the masses will prevail over individual intelligence. Good luck to you my sweet potato digging farmers, this year’s harvest will be as useless as the last.

The blatant hypocrisy of the blogosphere though, continues undaunted. We have decided to take it upon ourselves to do what service we can to this ailing society. First, The Maharajahs gratitude goes out to Indi on his words of wisdom about English classes on the blogosphere; the Maharajah will give this blogger some tips on improving his English in keeping with the vision for Kottu.

Where we should start we believe, is the spelling. He happens to have tryied to overcome many barials. He is also the frist to be prasent at school in the momning. Apparently becose he was the lucky recipient of a mothor bike. We will also continue or support this blogger by providing grammar classes in the near future.

However it has distressed us a great deal that certain bloggers are perfecting the art of misleading these innocents. We are stunned at the presence of such evil.

This warning goes out to Lahiru Sandaruwan on the devious advice he received from a certain blogger on his comments stream. Based on this bewildering post the Maharajah feels safe to assume that this blogger is not in any position to be giving career advice to you. Please refrain from taking this blogger seriously for she is terrible at spelling and also needs to try and understand that whining during hard times in the safety of the blogsphere is a cowardly act which is not beneficial to the organization or to the blogger in question. I think you Lahiru, are in a better position to advice this poor soul on the greater matters of Life rather than the other way around.

We are also increasingly concerned about the signs of continuous mental disintegration this blogger seems to be showing. And we would like to say that, you know, it is not socially degrading to ask for help. And we recommend the use of this drug which has been undeniably proved by top end Indian researchers to be able to give the abnormally negative individual a new lease on life.

Moving on, we have come across a classic post that displays the Sri Lankan spirit of bonhomie to the atom. We have casually observed that uncaring and selfish spending seems to be the norm among the wealthy class of this country and have confirmed the fact through this post. Long live the oppressors of the people!

Sexual innuendo, fortunately or otherwise, seems to have dropped off the radar of late, but sad attempts at directing attention to one’s blog seem to continue. As seen in this pathetic excuse for a comment here. And, speaking on reincarnation, one blogger had a sudden hailstorm of sheer intellectual brilliance when he said (speaking of the next life) that ’by then you will not be able to reverse anything you have done in your past’. A startling revelation on the topic of reincarnation which would have had the Dalai Lama in a cold sweat of jealousy and astrophysicists in a terrible scientific connundrum, if they were to ever discover it.

This post has been rather long winding due to the fact that we found it harder than usual to compress the sheer brainlessness of the blogosphere into just a few hundred words. We feel that our presence has induced even more stupidity, due to people constantly going out of their way to please us and to try and gain our favor.

A message to you all, the Maharajah only favors the Bad.

And he has spoken.